I’m already being slack with updating this blog, which is terrible, because – given that I’m researching blogging – it’s probably important that I keep some sort of online record of my PhD experience, if only because one of the problems with Internet Studies is that the field is so dynamic and is constantly changing, and in three years time I might want to remember what the online world was like (and what I was thinking/writing about) all those years earlier.
So – an update. I met with one of my supervisors*, M, last Friday, and as usual it was a session that involved me sitting there brainspewing all kinds of random crap in her direction, and her looking at me with a visage that kind of said, “what the hell are you on about?!”. I’m having an immense problem articulating myself at the moment; this much I know. I have no doubt that my inability to say what I mean has to do with the fact that I still don’t quite know what I mean, or what I want, from this experience.
Anyway, I want a scholarship next year. I missed out this year (at Curtin – I did get one at UWA, but frankly, I’ve spent more than enough time there already, so I turned it down), and my best chances of getting a scholarship next year lie in me a] being accepted to present at a couple of conferences this year, and b] having had my candidacy approved by the time that scholarship applications are due in late October. So, just because I’m completely mad, I’ve given myself a deadline of July 17 to have my candidacy application ready to send off to the Committee. July isn’t so crazy, except for when you consider the fact that I’m only studying part time, and have to hold down a three day a week job, and I seem to have developed a bit of a thing for exercising which takes up at least one hour of my day every day. On top of that, I’m generally quite lazy and unmotivated, so the next few months will definitely be interesting. I somehow have to kick my proverbial arse not only to study, but to make sense of the stuff I am reading, in order to get myself that scholarship. Curtin offer $10,000 to recipients of the Australian Postgraduate Award on top of the nominal sum of around $20,000 that all recipients receive, which is a pretty damn fine incentive to try get one.
My “uni days”, then, involve a lot of writing in my little notebook** and asking myself questions along the lines of “Why are you doing this?” or “What does this even mean” and “How do these themes fit together” and “Where are you going with this?”. I ask myself an awful lot of questions along those lines, actually. I also do a bit of reading – about blogging, about the Internet, or about other things, such as phenomenology (say it three times quickly) or Manuel Castell’s theories of the network society. Coming up with a focal topic for my thesis is incredibly difficult. In it’s current incarnation, my thesis will be a study of the narration of self through blogging, interrogating positioning (place and space), belonging (how we negotiate our on and offline environments in an effort to “fit in” – or not), and nostalgia (with elements of diaspora and other discourses of longing/”writing back”), with a particular focus upon the ways in which Perth bloggers narrate their lives online. My question & objectives are due in to M by the end of the month, so I’m not stressing too much yet, but I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed. Is it meant to be this difficult?
Finally, today, after living in this house for over four months, Boy and I finally got around to re-arranging the spare room (sort of), so that it now contains a couch and a desk for me to sit at and study. The desk is a little small, and it seems to have been built for a left handed person (the space in which to spread stuff out is on completely the wrong side), but it’s pretty damn cool to have this study space at home. The downside is that the window looks right into my next door neighbour’s house, as our property is a lot higher than theirs, but seeing as I’ve seen my neighbours about three times since we moved in, I don’t anticipate that it will become a huge problem (although they may be staring at me as I write this, through the strange tinted windows).
* For the record, I have two supervisors – M & H. H is on study leave for the first six months of my studies, and M will be on study leave for the next six… which leaves me in the interesting situation of actually having a one month period where I have no supervisor on campus, whilst I’m feeling like I’m up shit creek without a paddle.
** In case anyone gives a shit (and I’m absolutely sure you do not), I do the vast majority of my notetaking/thinking/questioning by hand. I write in pencil on large Moleskine (“mol-eh-skee-nah”) soft ruled notebooks, because a] I hate having to read things back on computer screens; it hurts my eyes, and I miss things, b] the paper is off-white, which is very easy on the eyes and looks pretty damn cool, c] Moleskine notebooks are the shit, and d] I actually really enjoy reading my own handwriting, which I find quite artistic. In Western Australia, Moleskine notebooks can be purchased at Borders on Murray St or Luxxe on King St in Perth, or at Planet Books on Beaufort St, Mt Lawley. The size I use costs $27 for three, 192pg notebooks. Check out Flickr to see what people are doing with their Moleskines (I absolutely love browsing this group).
